Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Why Bother?

I had plans for a totally different entry today but after getting the mail today, I am asking myself the question.... 'Why bother'? Needless to say the news I got today wasn't good.

For those of you who have been following my blog, you know that my husband and I have had a rough couple years. In February 2008, I lost my job then in April he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. In October of 2008 we got the notice that we were going into foreclosure and lost our home.

I have always tried to be optimistic and done a lot of praying that things would eventually look up. I got the opportunity to go to school to better myself (Wendell even got an approval this spring to go too!). We were blessed with meeting a very nice couple who helped us find a place to live. I am so thankful as if it weren't for them, we would be homeless. Wendell's health has been pretty good due to the treatment he takes daily. We felt lucky, believe it or not.

A few weeks ago we faced a dilemma of Wendell not getting his medication because the mail order company which carriers and would no longer accept his Medicaid. Then last week we got a letter from Missouri Family Services stating he needed to renew his Medicaid application. Okay, no problem but that's me trying to be optimistic. We go and fill out the paperwork. Now that I am working 2 days a week for my internship for school, I had to report that income.... no problem as we figured what I was making would make up for not receiving food stamps and help with paying for gas. We felt like we were finally seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, after getting the mail, the tunnel collapsed. Now that he has finally received approval for his social security and I am working, all assistance is now being canceled for him. I just wanted to cry... We can't afford the $2000 a month it would take just for his injections. The state is already taking our income taxes (yes, they took both of ours) for back child support and are in the process of garnishing part of his social security to get the rest. Now we don't deny that it is owed and we have been trying to have it reviewed because without him working, we can't afford the amount he usually paid. We have had sent numerous requests to have it reviewed and now we are just waiting for the January 2010 review date we were given.

Sorry.... I am just so aggravated. Why encourage people to go to school to better themselves, etc only to knock their feet out from under them when they start getting ahead? Right now I am feeling like I just wasted the past 2 years going to school because now, I am going to have to see about going to work full time (if I can find something)because he can't work to dig us out of this hole. I've got homework sitting here to do but wondering why bother if I can't finish? I have psychology class this evening and just want to curl up in bed.

I am sorry to ramble here but I just don't have anyone here in real life to talk to. Wendell is at school and has no clue about the letter yet. (wishing I could keep it hidden) He's just going to be upset more. I don't want to tell my Dad because I know he would try to be here for me but he has his own worries right now. I think I just need to find a quiet corner and pray... Things will look better in the morning.... right???

Thank you for listening to me... You will never know how much I appreciate you all.



  1. Hi there Debbie. You don't know me and I don't know you, actually I am new to reading your blog. I don't know what the answer is or what to tell you except to hang in there, sometimes God has plans for us that we can't understand and also with the mess this country is in, alot of folks know exactly what you are going through and its not right and its not fair, but who are we to change it.We really can't so sometimes all there is to do is to LET GO and LET GOD take care of it. I will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers, I hope things change for the better soon:)

  2. Debbie~I am so so sorry that bad news is pouring down on you. It just isn't fair!
    You are so optimistic about so much.
    It is great that you have this blog to help you sort things out. I know that whenever I feel bad, writing in my journal helps me through it.
    I wish we could all live closer so that we can help you.
    Is there anything that I can do to help you?
    I will definately say a special prayer that things look up for you soon. God works in mysterious ways.
    Take Care,

  3. Not sure if my previous post went through. I don't know what meds your husband takes, but try needymeds.com. It's a website of medications that are available at low or no cost (if you meet the guidelines). We have been going through something similar. Four years ago I got sick (no insurance), we went through our savings/stocks/401K. My meds were running $3000 per month and we were able to cut this down to about $100 for 3-month supply. If you have any questions on this feel free to contact me. Hang in there, going through adversity makes us stronger, makes us appreciate the little things, and makes us more compassionate. God bless

  4. I am so sorry to hear this about your husband's Medicaid. I will pray that everything works out. Please stay encouraged to go to school (I went back to school too to help our family's future.) It will be worth it once you have completed your education.
    Prayers & hugs,

  5. Oh Debbie I am so sorry. I completely know what you are feeling. It's like why try you just get knocked back even more. Seems like the harder to try to do the right things there is another door slamming in your face! It's very hard being married to someone who is sick NOT because of their illness but because if you work it hurts them! When this happened to Ray we went and talked to his nurse and there are programs out there that will help you get his meds. We were blessed to get Ray's for a year. His run about the same price and some. Don't give up keep going! We have to stick together through all of this and I know it's going to work out! I will keep you in my prayers!


  6. Debbie, I care. You and Wendell are in my prayers. I have been through horrors also but I always Remember 1st Peter 4:12 and it has sustained me always! In fact the whole Chapter 4 is a help. Hugs, Sarah

  7. Debbie,
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Sure wish that I was there to give you a hug and a shoulder to lean on. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  8. Debbie
    It sounds like you are having a really hard time right now. I wish I knew what to say to you other than hang in there.
    My husband and I have no health insurance either and frankly we just can't afford to get sick. Both of us work full time and we still can't make our bills either. We have another year of child support to pay and yeah some days life just sucks.
    It really sickens and makes me mad to think we life in a country where a person can not make a decent living now days. Keep trying different agencies. There has to be someone who can offset the cost of your husbands meds.


  9. Oh my. I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know the master plan, but the Master does have a plan for you and Wendell. Keep the faith! Meanwhile, ask your doctor about sources of free or reduced meds. I know there are sources out there and you may qualify. My friend's mother was on free meds all of her later years. Also ask around your community at places like the county nursing service and other community resources for leads on this.

    In other news, I am no longer a MO citizen. We moved two weeks ago today and it's a huge adjustment. More later......